Most of us face dealing with other people’s possessions at some point in our lives. It could be our parents’ stuff if they need move to a senior care residence. It could be another family member’s belongings if they sadly pass away. Over the years, I have had the opportunity to help many of my clients decide who’s responsible for the stuff. Interestingly, the topic comes up from time to time while enjoying a glass of wine with friends. Not surprisingly, people have very differing opinions.
The “It’s Your Responsibility” Philosophy
Your family might believe they raised you, and that now it’s your job to take care of them and deal with their stuff once they are gone. Some people may totally agree with that philosophy. Although it can be a huge burden, as you will have to take full responsibility for dealing with each and every item.
Make Meaningful Memories
If you’re the one in charge of the stuff, here are a few tips. Start by talking with your loved ones about where they want their things to go and who should have them. Ask which items matter most to them, and write down or record the stories behind those pieces. These stories can turn simple objects into special memories. For example, a plain wooden box means much more if you know Grandpa won it at the county fair, hid an engagement ring inside, and gave it to Grandma when he proposed.
If, like me, you’re not so fond of the stuff, take a photo of the object, keep it with the story, and then let the object go. This may be something best left unsaid to your loved one, as they could find that idea upsetting.
Consider going through family photos and noting who is in each photo and when it may have been taken. Many times, I have come across photos with clients, and they have no idea who the people are, which sadly deems that treasured photo meaningless.
Downsizing Requires Energy and Patience
If your loved one is open to you helping them sort through their things now, be prepared to use a lot of energy and even more patience. If you’ve ever tried to downsize your own belongings, you know it’s not easy to let go. As people get older, every item can bring back memories, and that’s completely understandable.
I try to remind people who are resistant to downsizing that if they do it now, they are responsible for the stuff. They can control where their belongings go and to whom they go. Sadly, once they are gone, someone else makes all the decisions, and what looks like junk to someone may, in fact, be a family treasure. Additionally, when there is a large volume to go through after someone passes, it can mean that heirs have to either take weeks off work or spend every weekend decluttering. Unfortunately, many of us do not have the time or energy to manage it. We have our own busy lives and our own stuff to organize and deal with.
Hire Help
The easiest route in this situation is to hire a professional organizer to clear the estate. Alternatively, you can call a junk removal service. I have suggested junk removal companies to many of my clients in this situation. Still, it can feel sad that a loved one spent their entire life accumulating all those things, and then a stranger comes and takes them away. Although what many people don’t know is that stuff doesn’t always go to the dump. It gets sorted and donated, sold, or recycled. Only a small portion ends up in the landfill.
If you hire a qualified professional organizer, they will go through most of the stuff under your guidance and pull out the treasures. Professional organizers know what to look for when it comes to important documents, too. If they find something valuable, they can call in experts in estate sales and consignment. Afterwards, they may call the junk removal service.
Talk with your family about who will be responsible for the stuff and how to handle downsizing. Ask for their thoughts before it’s too late. You might find the process rewarding and well worth your time and effort.